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Ten Things To Do
Instead of Spanking
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IGNORE:
Ignore behavior that will not harm them; bad habits, whining, bad language,
tantrums. It is hard to do nothing. However, this lack of
attention takes away the very audience they are seeking.
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SUSPEND
PRIVILEGES: Match the suspension of privilege to the action as closely
as possible, i.e. fighting over TV, loss of TV time. Suspend privilege
for a short period - long suspensions only build resentment and the child
forgets the original wrongdoing and the lesson to be learned.
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LOGICAL
CONSEQUENCES: Let the action do the "talking," i.e. abuse the use
of the toy - toy taken away for a period of time; crayons on the wall - they
wash it off; missed a curfew - this time subtracted from next outing.
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RE-DIRECT
BEHAVIOR: If one behavior is a problem, take that energy and have them
do another positive action: crayon on wall - have paper available; throwing
sand - give them a ball to throw; trouble with taking turns - have them use
another toy or have them be a helper with an adult to use up some of this
need to have power.
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RE-ARRANGE SPACE OR
PLACE: Be creative to eliminate problems that have been created;
clothes and toys a mess - have baskets and low hooks for easier picking up;
school notes, homework misplaced - have a special table or counter for
materials; chores forgotten - have a chart for who does what when.
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GRANDMA'S RULE:
WHEN...THEN: When you pick up the toys, then you can have the TV on;
when you come home from school on time, then you can have a friend
over. CAUTION: You need to tie what you want to what they
want to make this work.
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FINES: In
some families, fining (5 cents or 1 cent or 25 cents) for bad habits, rules
violated, forgotten responsibilities does work. Ideally the
"kitty" of money goes for a family outing - a reward to all
in the end.
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WORK DETAIL:
Creative use of energy, especially for older children (8 years and up), to
"make up" for rule violations: a list is posted of jobs that need
to be done, the child chooses one or more "work detail" jobs to
work off the problem that was created - wash the car, wash windows, clean
the dog area, stack wood, weed garden, etc.
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MODEL: Show
the child what or how the job, chore, or behavior should be done the
"right way." Patience and practice can often turn a wrong
doing into a new helper.
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TIME
OUT: Use time out for dangerous and harmful behaviors - biting,
hitting, purposeful destruction - follow these guides:
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Keep time out to 1
minute for every year of age.
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Have them sit in a
boring place.
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Tell them what they
did wrong and what they are supposed to do instead.
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Use a timer - saves
sanity!
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When time out is
over, notice as soon as possible something they are doing right and comment
on it.
Developed
by: Mary Louise Alving, Parents Anonymous of Washington State.
Parents
Anonymous of New Jersey, Inc. 1-800-843-5437
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