Mrs. Breon's Guidance News

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I had a number of queries regarding the College Board article on Helicopter Parents - some additional articles on the subject follow:

ABC NEWS - 20/20

Do 'Helicopter Moms' Do More Harm Than Good?
'Hovering Mothering' Has Become Common on College Campuses
Oct. 21, 2005 — -

Robyn Lewis is an extraordinarily devoted parent. As a single mom, she home schooled her sons, Ethan and Brendan, and her life has revolved around caring for them. Even though Ethan, 21, and Brendan, 18, are now attending college away from home, and she 's taken a full-time job, that doesn't mean Lewis is losing interest -- or hour-by-hour involvement -- in her boys' lives.
When she's not on her cell phone with one of the boys, she's organizing their lives. She spends an hour drafting to-do e-mails for her sons, checking their grades, their bank account balances and even using their personal passwords to check their student e-mail.
Lewis works tirelessly to keep everything in her sons' lives in order -- from doing their laundry to organizing their schedules to proofreading their papers. And Brendan and Ethan both say they're grateful for their mom's efforts on their behalf. "She wants to make sure that I do it well, and it, and it's all because, you know, she cares," said Ethan, who's studying at Florida Gulf Coast
University. Brendan, a freshman at Arizona State University, also appreciates his mom's help. "It's nice to have someone else who kind of serves as ... a secretary mom." And the secretary characterization doesn't bother Lewis. "I think that's great. It means that I'm very organized. A secretary helps to keep the boss focused and organized, right? We don't know how to balance much of our lives yet when we're 18," she said. Can Parents Be Too Involved? No one could deny Lewis loves her sons and wants them to succeed. But not everyone thinks that she's helping them. "I can understand why a parent would think, 'I'm just doing what I think is right for my son or daughter.' The problem is, they're doing exactly what's wrong for their son or daughter," said Helen Johnson, author of the book, "Don't Tell Me What to Do, Just Send Money." Johnson is a consultant on parental relations for some of America's top
universities, and she says parents like Lewis are far too involved in their children's lives. "In taking over, they are sending a profound message: You are not capable of handling your life," she explained. Johnson is more than familiar with the term now in vogue to describe someone like Robyn Lewis: a Helicopter Mom. "A helicopter mom is a mom who hovers over every state in her child's
development, from basically in utero, through the college years and beyond," she said.
Administrators say helicopter moms -- and dads -- have become a campus phenomenon. Nationwide, there's a 12,000-strong advocacy group called College Parents of America -- emblematic of parental eagerness to get their money's worth in an era of skyrocketing tuition costs. But there are other reasons why some parents and their college kids are staying so close: There's been a change in the way students once prized their on-campus freedom from home, and perhaps above all, technology means parents can still
hover from a long way away. "We certainly have parents calling about everything. Everything from 'who will be doing the laundry for my son or daughter to if they have to miss a few weeks of class,' [to] 'can I come in and sit in on the class and take notes for them,'" said Annie Stevens, assistant vice president for student and campus life at the University of Vermont. At the University of Vermont, parents attend seminars aimed at limiting their involvement in their children's lives. They're sent home with refrigerator magnets, with instructions that reinforce the university's hands-off philosophy. "One of things we want to teach the students and to have students learn is to try and help solve issues and problem on their own," said a resident adviser at the school. Like Ethan and Brendan Lewis, Heather Fagan, a student at Texas Christian University in Fort Worth, enjoys the benefits of "helicopter parenting." Every
morning, she gets a wake-up call -- or two or three -- to help her get out of bed. "They wake me up every morning, they're my alarm clock," she said. Learning to Let Go Johnson says this is worrying trend. "It's horrifying to me to hear the story that a parent is calling a child three or four times in the morning to wake them up in college. ... Are they planning to do that for the rest of her life?"
But Gail Fagan, Heather's mom, said she'll do it as long as she's needed. And that's a sentiment Lewis would agree with. She'll do as much as she can for as long as she can. She currently drives two hours to Ethan's dorm to clean it up, do his dishes and pick up his laundry twice a month. Eric Chester, president of the training and consulting company Generation Why Inc., sees this high level of parental involvement as a high-level problem for employers, who face a new generation of workers. "If you've always micromanaged their life, then that kid is going to be dysfunctional in the workplace, regardless of what their skill set is," he said. It is a reality t hat Lewis knows she needs to face. She is proud of the artistic and intelligent children she's raised, but know there'll come at time when
she'll have to let go. "She's like the most selfless person on the face of the planet. I mean, she will
give and give and give and give and give, and when she's got nothing left to give she'll keep giving. She has succeeded in every aspect of giving my brother and I everything a kid can ask for," Ethan said. But for Lewis, letting go can be the hardest thing of all. The lists and the calls don't just help her sons, they help her stay close to them. "These habits are very hard to break and I'm still doing them. I'm trying to wean them off more and more so that they can become more self-reliant," she said. But as much as she wants the boys to be self-reliant, she wants to keep making the to-do lists, calling them three times a day, and reading their school
papers. "I want them to be able to become their own person, as long as we stay close and
I don't want to feel that all of this micro-managing mothering has crippled them in any way to not be able to relate to other people," she said. That was last year. This semester, Brendan has continued at Arizona State, but Ethan is transferring to the University of Hawaii. And Lewis knows an even greater separation is yet to come when the boys settle
down and start families of their own. "When they get married, I'm not going to be the most important person there, and
I know that," she said. "You go through a period of withdrawal, and then hopefully, you get to be best friends with their wife. And you have a good relationship, and then she'll call you and tell you what he's doing."

The Choking Game

www.stop-the-choking-game.com

The Choking Game has made news on television and in the news papers recently. Deaths have occurred from this activity nationwide, and in other countries around the world

What is the Choking Game?

The Choking Game achieves a brief high or euphoric state by stopping the flow of blood containing oxygen to the brain. Sometimes children choke each other until the person being choked passes out. The pressure on the arteries is then released and blood flow to the brain resumes causing a “rush” as consciousness returns. Playing this game in any form causes the death of brain cells.

Why Do Kids Do This?

Some do it for the high which can become addictive. Others do it because it’s “cool” and risky. Most of the children who have died from this were not children in trouble. Most were well liked; active, intelligent, stable children who wanted nothing to do with drugs or alcohol. Most children have no concept about their own mortality. They do not realize the dangers involved and need to be told by adults in their lives.

What are the Symptoms of this Activity?

There is no “test” for this. It is chemically undetectable; however, there are some signs which raise red flags:

Inexplicable marks or bruises on the throat
Frequent severe headaches
Redness of the eyes
Belts, leashes, ropes, shoelaces tied in strange knots or found in unusual places.
Unexplained cuts or bruises from falling.
Disorientation after spending time alone.
Locked bedroom doors

Not all of these signs may be present.

What Else Is This Called?

There are numerous names for it: Space Monkey, Fainting, Pass Out Game, Black Out Game, American Dream, Flatliner, Space Cowboy, Knock Out, Gasp, Rising Sun, Airplaning.

Many of the classes in grades PK – 5 have begun the final unit of the Second Step curriculum. It focuses on anger management. Lessons do not teach that feeling angry is bad. But they do teach that how one acts when angry is critical. The anger-management steps children will learn and practice are designed to help them recognize, understand, and manage their anger. Here is an example of how you might practice these steps with your child at home:

You hear a shriek from the family room. You find your child near tears because Henry, the family dog, just ran through your child’s board game. You say, “Remember to stop and think. Ask yourself how your body feels. I can tell that you’re angry. Calm down. Remember what you said to yourself when you needed to calm down the other day? Try saying those things again. Now that you’re calm, let’s go through the problem-solving steps you learned to see if we can keep Henry from messing up your game the next time.”

2. Try to calm down by: Taking three deep breaths, Counting backward slowly, Thinking calming thoughts, or Talking to yourself.

4. Think about it later. Ask yourself: Why was I angry? What did I do? What worked? What didn’t work? What would I do differently? Did I do a good job?

At home activity: Write down each of the Calming-down methods on a piece of paper and place them in a container. Present your child with a pretend situation that may cause him to become angry (such as a sibling taking the last cookie). Your child then draws a piece of paper from the container and shows you how to use that particular calming-down method.

Children and Divorce

During or following a divorce, it’s important that parents work together for the child’s best interests. For instance, the first rule of thumb is honesty-don’t lie or cover up what’s happening to the family. When the child learns the truth, he or she will feel betrayed. Some other issues to consider:

· Don’t expect emotional support from the child; that’s a role for adults- friends, family members, or a professional counselor.

· Don’t pressure the child with adult roles such as, “You’re the man of the house.”

One Way to combat the frustrations in your life is to reach out to others. Sometimes, taking a few minutes to make another person’s day better helps to dispel your own feelings of gloom and helplessness. The mere act of thinking up something special for someone you care about can change your perspective completely. Make a list of persons who mean a lot to you. Pick possible ways of expressing your appreciation to them.

There’s good news for parents whose children have a tough time making the grade when it comes to testing. Whether it’s multiple – choice, open ended questions or essay format, there are practical steps students can take to prepare for exams and reduce the anxiety associated with test-taking. The experts from Sylvan Learning Center offer the following test – taking strategies: